TITLE: October 24, 2014
By Lillian Rhoades
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Some words are guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors against well respected lexicons and wordsmiths. They just can’t seem to make up their mind as to how they want to define themselves. When brought before my court, I lock them up in a pen or pen(cil), or a key board-ing detention facility, and only release them to their own custody when it’s deemed they will no longer deceive the reader. Look, for example, at the words “make up.” He changes his definition more than a chameleon can change its colors. His other partners in crime, like shake up and take up are equally guilty of the same offenses.
The fate of these word “wafflers” will be incarceration and confinement to separate cells until they get their meaning straight. Perhaps, a few years in the pen–itentiary would help them clarify their definition and spelling more clearly; not to mention deciding whether or not to use the (–).
One cell will house Make-up #1. He claims to be anything you put on your face after you wake-up. Make up #2 parades as something couples do after they’ve chewed each other out. Although make out might be more appropriate. Make up #3 really has an issue with getting it straight. Perhaps he deserves a longer sentence for making up things that are not true. Makeup #4 has the audacity to think he has the ability to know what kind of person you are.
Makeup # 5 would be penned in solitary “definement” for the most egregious of crimes. He practices his deceptive definition on the most vulnerable in our society–our children and young people–whenever they are sick and have to miss a test. What right does he have to change his meaning just to satisfy some stiff shirt teacher, or “must take” principal? Years ago, he certainly made my life miserable, as I sat all alone with an exam everyone else had already taken.
Oh, sweet revenge!
And there are more “sentences” to follow. This is only the first phrase…oops…phase. I saw a Tee shirt not too long ago that said, “Romaine Calm and Carrot On.” Now, this is an outrageously blatant attack by another wishy-washy against a Lexicon with the highest of reputations.
Next case, please!
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