The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/31/09
What a character! I could see her so vividly. Enjoyed the read.
11/01/09
The end was beautiful, almost a beginning, and metaphorically it no doubt was a new beginning for Emma.
I like your descriptions of the real life plants in her home, then to the plants Emma had to be content to just watch rather than tend. And mentioning the seasons reminded me of the seasons of our lives.
11/02/09
Thanks for sharing such a touching story! It had some real surprises!
11/03/09
I liked it. We all need a friend like Emma and people like the narrator. Touching ending. Very well done.
11/03/09
This had several fun little treats in it. The pet frog was my favorite , I think. Good job.
I liked this, too! I enjoyed the surprises, especially her frog friend, and the descriptive language did its job--I saw, felt, smelled this wonderful story.
11/04/09
I found this a joy to read! Great job using first person. I think you are on your way up.

Do some research and reading on "show vs. tell" - the internet is a great resource. Your grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure are very good, so focus now on learning the "fine arts" of writing.

I was drawn into your story, and filled with tension when the MC entered the house. And the ending is superb. I thought the topic might be a little forced, but you did tie it up very well in the end.
11/04/09
What lovely, amusing and well written story. Very
interesting - loved it!

Thanks. Colin
Good job, loved the little green frog!

Some things you don't have to spell out to the reader, ie, you did very well in building the tension before your MC entered Emma's apartment. This line could probably been left off: "What was I about to find in Emma Greenís apartment?"

Overall, I think you did a great job weaving this story together! Sweet ending :-)
I think Emma is my granny! Hiding under the covers sounds exactly like something she would do. Made me laugh. Good story.