The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You did a good job of making me feel Mary's oppressiveness in taking control over you and inflicting physical and emotional pain upon you.

Would have liked to have known more details about the events leading up to that moment and everyone's interactions when your brother brought you back home.

I would have omitted your last sentence about them hitch-hiking home as it felt out of context with your particular circumstances of dealing with Mary :)

Mary seems like a complicated character. She could have been more sympathetic to a tomboy since she wasn't afraid to hitchhike across the country and probably get a little dirty herself. Your conclusion was a great observation, but it seemed to take a different turn than your story.
Your POV was quite accurate. I felt like I was on a farm many years ago. The only critique I have to offer is a very little one- lye instead of lie in reference to the type of soap.
A nice down home story.
I liked your story. The voice of the main character had a very genuine feel, down to earth.