The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is so funny. I wasn't sure where you were going and I thought I bet the author wishes this story could be for this week's media topic! But then the ending pulled it all together and I lol (really)

At times,I did feel like you were telling rather than showing. Just a few slight changes like: Nancy heard a ping-ping. She rubbed the side of her face and looked at her hand. It felt like a squashed bug should be there, but it was empty.

Just changing little things like that will draw a picture for your reader and make your good story a fantastic one!

You have a vivid imagination and a delightful sense of humor. I can see you producing outstanding stories in no time at all. Check out Jan's Writing Basics on the forum. She is an asset to writers of all levels.

Again, good job and don't give up. You have wonderful stories inside of you and you're the only one who can tell them. Keep writing.
You are a creative story teller. I liked your approach and the ending very much. As someone told you already, read Jan's writing tips and let your creativity grow.