The Official Writing Challenge
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12/10/10
Wow, I want to be just like them too. Great take on the subject matter
This is a sweet story. You did a great job showing the little girl's excitement. It was easy to picture her. You've got a great grasp on describing the scene.

My only advice to make it even better would be to try some different types of sentence structure. You have a lot of sentences that start with a name or pronoun. Try using participles or phrases. Someone pointed this out to me once and I realized almost every sentence started with my characters name. I never realized there were so many different ways to form a sentence. It really has helped my writing.

You have a good head start on me because you are already doing that a little bit. If you spread your wings just a little more you could turn this great piece into an excellent one.

I really enjoyed reading your story and it had a wonderful message in it as well. Keep on writing, you have quite a bit of talent!
12/12/10
a lovely story and such a cue description of the child and her love for her dad :-)
12/15/10
This is a well written story as far as punctuation goes, it also is a great picture of how a child looks at her dad IF he is a picture of Christ.Thanks and Keep Writing.
Good story. Makes me want to be a better dad! Thanks for writing this.