The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You had a good tension building story going, but as your reader you let me down at the end with no closure.
You had my heart thumping. You took me by surprise by going into-the first person about 1/3 of the way in. Maybe if your had started with the MC's thoughts it wouldn't have been quite a jolt. But other than that little bit of surprise, I found myself really crested in the story and could easily picture the stands and the court. Great job showing details with the description of the ref getting ready to blow his whistle. Great writing!
I liked the ending, as a mother I sometimes worry about things that didn't need to have my heart thumping after-all and I understood that feeling in your M C. Keep writing:)
good well written and cleverly played out writing! The minute theme was there in the changing scene minute but minute and it was added interest that their were brothers playing and the mum who was writing form her "view" in the stands.
You make me want to stomp my feet and yell, "What did happen?" You surely know how to make the readers heart beat fast too!