The Official Writing Challenge
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This is so moving; I think you may have a winner...
Very nicely written! I would point out that when you are speaking of one prisoner in the possessive, it should read "prisoner's." Other than that, this was a very sound story!
I can still hear the Apostle Paul's chains. This is a powerful piece of writing. My concern is the scripture you selected to address the concerns of the visitor(Timothy). Since Timothy shared his concerns about members jockeying for leadership positions, wouldn't Phillipans 2, verse 3 be a more apt verse to include? I also see the potential for a play here. You must also review how to use quotes. I noticed several errors with commas, capital letters, etc. Again potential powerful!
Correction: potentially powerful
Marvelous work! I was right there, hearing Paul's chains rattle, and Timothy's heart-break...
One word to describe this piece..."Powerful."

I loved it. Great job with felt as if I was there. Thank you.

God Bless~