The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This story had a wonderful and important message. I liked your descriptions and the internal reflection on the young MC. Nicely done.

God bless~
I really liked this. You did a great job of building the characters. You drew me in right away with your opening.

You had some tiny errors that a good proofread would help you catch like not always capitalizing the B on Bible. You also may want to add some spaces between the paragraphs. There is a thread on the message board that gives writers great tips, check it out: Jan's Writing Basics

You did a nice job of writing on topic and taking a new twist on it. I think we can all feel like outsiders at times. I loved the ending. My kids hug me and don't hesitate to say I love you even in front of their friends. It's definitely something special. You did a great job. Keep writing!
I love your story. I struggle at times with the narrator's concern, "How to bring Jesus to family members." The remedy was not some theoretical biblical procedure, but rather very practical. I like the simple solution this story offers....just love them. The main focus of the piece was not necessarily leaning towards the topic at hand though. Yet a powerful topic nonetheless.
A very beautiful depiction about discovering Christ through our own personal experiences. I really liked this, you revealed much without fear of a common struggle in those being led, who have not always had the guidance of others, and you know what, those people in particular can offer so much guidance to others.
Good entry.

Sometimes you will find proofreading is easier if it is done a day or two later. (I don't know if you had this time before needing to submit this.)

Also, when you put an extra blank line between the paragraphs it will be easier to proofread your work.

The command to seek his kingdom first and his righteousness can be addresses in Acts 2.

You did will with the conversations that went on. Conversations seems to be the hardest for me.
Congratulations on placing 6th in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards)
Thanks, everyone! Glad you liked it! I'm out of credits now, so that was my last entry. Glad it turned out OK.