The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Well done! Well written and delivered entry. Loved the conclusion.

God bless~
I enjoyed this story. The way you portrayed each character, each so different, and right on target.

If I had to write some red ink, which I'd be hard-pressed to do, I would suggest that you make the application to theme a tiny bit stronger. The test, they say, is ask yourself if you pulled the mention of the theme out of the piece, would the piece be the same? I think in this case, it almost, nearly would.

Everything else, in my opinion, was very well done. I especially enjoyed the life you blew into each character.
Great dialogue and descriptions. You held me captive with the scene.

Two pieces of red ink: First, I agree that the piece was not readily identifiable with the topic for me, although I did thoroughly enjoy it. The second one just has to do with dialogue writing. When a new speaker is identified, there generally needs to be the start of a new paragraph, so adding some spaces in your piece would help the reader follow who is saying what.

Otherwise, great job!
Yes, the accuser of the brethren will be right there if we ever walk away from Jesus. Then we would be in deep, deep trouble.

I am not sure if "throwing a rock" would be appropriate though. Read Jude 8 and 9. Jude 9 says: "But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, "The Lord rebuke you!".

But we get the idea that we have to be by Jesus (following what he says) at all times.

But it was well written.


God bless~