The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a good illustration of the change coming to Jesus and obeying him should make in a person's life.

When we learn what jesus expects of us and learn not to fear what man might be able to do to us but fear what the God of creation is able to do, our lives will change.

Good example in your story.
06/17/14
Well done! This story brings an important message to light, while delivering an impact to the reader.


Great job.

God bless~
06/18/14
Coals of fire! How we all are confronted with those type of people. Statistics state that one in four will be bullied in their life. Only Jesus can help the bullied overcome. Thank you for your writing. It hit home to me especially because I was bullied as a child. Never can tell who your words will reach and touch. God Bless.
06/19/14
Congratulations!

God Bless~
This is the perfect story for today's world. Bullying has been going on forever, but it's reached new lows recently. You did an excellent job with developing this story in such a short time. You also nailed the topic in an interesting way. Not only did Joel bounce back, but I have a feeling his nemesis might do some of his own bouncing.

I see in your profile that you're only 15, but you've been publishing books for over two years. I don't want to say that you're good for your age because you're good for any age.

There were a couple of little things I've noticed that might help you go from a good author to an outstanding one. In the following paragraph, I'd cut out the word very before subtle. Subtle is a great word and can stand on its own. You also use some passive sentences that might be more powerful if switched to active ones. This is just my opinion, but I might write the paragraph like this:
Suddenly, Max started noticing subtle changes in Joel. He held his head high and threw his shoulders back with a new sense of self. Max pointed at Joel while snickering with his friends. "What a doofus!"
I didn't change much, just rearranged the sentences and added some realistic dialog. My way isn't better than yours, but I wanted to show you what I meant by active vs passive. I also included the dialog right after Max's action so the reader knew who was speaking.

You have an amazing sense of timing. You paced the story perfectly. I also loved the way the topic was woven throughout the entire story. Many challenge writers struggle with the ending. You nailed it though. You answered the reader's questions while simultaneously making me thirst for more of the story. That's not easy to do.

I'm a moderator on the FW for Kids' site, and if you would ever like feedback on your work, don't hesitate to contact me. I'll be honest, and all of my critiques come from a genuine desire to help you become the best writer possible. Also, you could post stories on the kid's site (if you haven't already) and get some feedback from your peers. No matter what, don't get discouraged because you have some awesome talent. I totally enjoyed your story and am eager to read more of your work.