The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 677 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/19/15
Wow- this was so emotional, few words, but intensely powerful meaning.

Completely on topic and well written.

God bless~
02/20/15
So tragic, not so much an envy as deep grief. If this is non-fiction, I pray that the LORD will bring healing, restoration and hope.

Wing His Words
Contentment is taking what God gives us as a blessing rather than a curse.

Contentment comes after saying, not my will but thine be done.

Contentment also come after we have had both little and much and chose to accept both.

Contentment comes when we keep our eyes on heaven instead of the earth.

Keep writing.
Wow, you really packed a punch with this one. What I especially liked is how your entire piece reeked of envy (in the very best way.) You didn't need to mention the topic word, yet I would have guessed it if I hadn't known. That's a great example of how to write on topic without needing to repeat the topic word to make sure the reader knows the topic. Very impressive.

The only red ink I might offer would have been to show that jealousy right out of the box with something like this. I crinkled my nose when I saw the Facebook post. I suppose men's boots, heels, and baby booties is a clever way to announce to the world that you're expecting. I almost choked on the sweetness when I saw it had 250 likes. Good grief.

I know I took a lot of liberties, but it might set it up making the letter even more powerful. I tried to do it in a way where the reader might think the MC doesn't like cute things like that, so she'd still not totally see the terrific twist coming. If read aloud, your inflection in your voice would show the sarcasm, but that's hard to do in just writing.

That's just my opinion though, and I really think you did an outstanding job. I've read almost every entry now and can definitely say yours stands out as different and is so refreshing to see this out-of-the-box story. I think it's at the top of my list for favorites this week. You really blew me away. You also did a great job of developing the character, especially with so few words. Great piece of art.
Wow. I am barren, broken-hearted, and I can so identify. I used to collect anatomically correct infant dolls - but they, as cute as they are - cannot fill the well of despair my feet dangle in. Thank God for Jesus, and for the wondrous Gift of being family forever.
02/24/15
You did a great job of capturing a dark void with very few words. You might add just a bit to reveal the heart of envy, perhaps as your character watches others interacting with their children?

I do enjoy pieces that make me think and this one definitely forces one to ponder. Keep up the good work. Blessings.
02/26/15
Congrats!

God BLess~
Thank you, C D Swanson.
I could easily identify with your pain of not being able to bear children of my own and I was too old to adopt any. I teach Sunday School so I can be around children but there are days when I miss holding my own precious baby.Keep writing and thank you for blessing us with your spoken words.