The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/26/15
I really appreciated your strong characterization of Ebbie and your ability to tell a story.

My only suggestions are related to some grammatical issues:

1. The use of it's and its. It's is a contraction and means it is. Its is possessive and refers to ownership. In the sentence, The fire in front of her reluctantly shared it's heat; the apostrophe should be removed.

2. The use of commas between adjectives
02/26/15
(Continuation of comments)

3. The word through should have been threw.

4. The word she should be removed in: she knew [she] her body was beaten.

5. Use a semi-colon to separate a complete sentence: The chill in the room turned frigid; Ebbie began to shake; her teeth chattered; her heart raced, and her breath thinned.

6. If you are joining two complete sentences together, make sure you use a comma and a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so).

Example: She tried to stretch the afghans over her swollen legs. The effort was too great.

She tried to stretch the afghans over her swollen legs, but the effort was too great.

You have so much potential, and I look forward to reading your future entries.
02/27/15
My heart went out to this character, I wanted to go in and hold her, and pray silently over her. Oh, wow- you did an excellent job of setting up the scene, I saw the entire piece unfold before my eyes.

You have a talent, keep up the great work!

God bless~
03/05/15
Congrats!

God bless~
03/05/15
Congrats on your second place finish! Hauntingly good piece. Keep up the good writing!
03/05/15
Congratulations, Amy!

I really liked your entry.