The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/23/15
Your mom sounded like a special kind lady who had a heart filled with love and content.

Thanks for sharing her with us...she left you quite a treasure to bring forward.

God bless you~
04/25/15
I love the part about the brown house inside and out. I guess the spouse with the most sway is the spouse with the most say...lol...this is true in most marriages. Your Mom chose to be content not getting her own way, knowing her real home was in heaven.
This is a beautiful testimony about your mother. It really made me smile and think about Mom. She's been gone 22 years and I too still miss her deeply.

I have a couple of minor suggestions. Your first two sentences were passive, short ones. Instead, you could make it active (which will help pull in the reader right away) like this: I dreaded the upcoming Christmas because it would be the first one since my father had died the previous summer. Another thing I would suggest is use all of your 750 words. You could and some sparkle to your story by using dialog and showing the character's emotions. For example: Once my friend called Mom. "How is your health?"

Without missing a beat, Mom answered, "Oh, I had it painted white inside and out. It's such a refreshing change from how Dad painted it brown thirty years ago."
In doing that, you show the reader (instead of telling) that Mom was hard of hearing and that the house was painted brown for thirty years (also write out numbers up to a hundred).

I really liked this story. It took me back to my first Christmas without Mom. It also reminded me that just like God provided warmth for your mom, he also provided for me by having Mom buy everyone a Christmas present and labeled it in her handwriting, even though she had died in August. That was all God. You covered the topic in an interesting way while delivering a great message.
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