The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/16/15
Wow! Stories like this give me the chills. I'm sure there are many times that God protects when we don't even know of the danger.
This is a lovely story. I can think of many times just like that where a second or two made the difference between life and death. When my sister came home once, I drove her to a familiar place to meet her friends. I had intended to get on the highway to go home, but when I pulled out, I suddenly felt disoriented. I'd made the trip hundreds of times, but that night I turned left instead of right because I was confused. Later I learned that there was a fatal accident on the road I wanted to take at the same time I would have been there. Something or someone confused me, and I took the other route home. It still makes me wonder. Your story reminded me how often God watches over us, even when we don't see it.

The main red ink I would give is don't be afraid to use all of your 750 words. I struggled to see the connection between the hubcaps and pulling over at first. By adding emotions and details you could smooth that transition out. This is just an example of what I mean:
Crash, bang, boom! My heart pounded in rhythm to the clanging. Oh goodness, it sounds like my car is going to fall apart. Please God, show me what to do. My mind flashed back to when my husband put a box of hubcaps in the trunk. Sighing with relief, I realized that was what was causing the ruckus. I glanced in the rear view mirror, and my heart started to pound again when I noticed the car behind me seemed too close.
Just by adding some thoughts and body language, it helps the reader feel the anxiety of the MC and create a more vivid picture.

You've done a great job of using the topic. I'm sure I'm not the only one who could relate to your story. God is so good to us. I liked that the car behind was saved to. At first I suspected a nefarious reason for the driver to follow the MC, but you showed that God's love transcends our expectations. I have tears in my eyes from the magnificence of it all. Thank you for sharing, you touched my heart.
06/16/15
Great story, with total credibility. I agree that you could have stretched out the detail with more descriptiveness - not so much about the scenery, but about what was happening inside you. Your closing line was perfect.
06/18/15
Congratulations on your 3rd place award in level one.

I'm just grateful that God is a God of miracles.
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level. Happy Dance!