The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This story was emotion packed. I especially liked the dialogue between the MC and her daughter.
I have tears in my eyes. You did a fantastic job with bringing this story to life. We've all experienced grief, but none the same way. I remember people telling me to get over it too. Thankfully God knows and does watch over us. My only red ink would be to make sure you put the Bible verse in quotation marks since you are taking it word for word from the Bible. I think this is a lovely devotion. If you haven't ever submitted a devotion to FW daily devotions, I'd urge you to do so. You have a knack for them.
I love that you portrayed this woman's grief very realistically. I have not lost a child, but I've suffered a very similar grief, and your character's feelings resonated with me.

My only critique is just mechanics, really, and something that would be very easy to fix. In the middle section, you've used italics to indicate that it's a flashback. That's fine--but you still need to put the character's spoken words in quotation marks. I had to backtrack a bit to figure this out, as italics are also used to indicate thoughts. The quotation marks will make it clearer that this is a memory, with dialogue.

Another minor critique occurs to me: this is a very strong piece of writing, but the beginning isn't as strong as it could be. Many readers will gloss over a scripture used at the beginning of a story; if you want them to read the scripture, incorporate it into the character's thoughts, or have her encounter that scripture somehow. Also, the sentence "Sandra was dreaming again" could be changed to something more active and compelling.

However, I can't emphasize enough that this is a very strong piece of writing, and I anticipate that you'll move up in the levels soon. Well done!
Congratulations on your sixth place in level one. I still think this is a strong piece of writing.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.