The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/10/15
Very descriptive piece of writing. It was a strong reminder that GOd is with us in the midst of the storm.
07/10/15
Loved this entry...it had truth and an excellent message to share with the readers.

Well done.

God bless~
This is such a profound article. I could feel the lump forming in my throat as I read. Your opening was great and it pulled me in immediately.

I became slightly confused in the middle. I had just visualized the MC scurrying to safety below the ground, and then was transported to your hometown. Perhaps it was just my tired mind. After my third read, I think I figured out that the scene started at your mother's house not yours. If that is the case, a simple line in the beginning could explain this: Apprehension settled over me as an eerie silence filled the dark sky. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. I'd been looking forward to visiting Mama for weeks. Grimacing, I thought, This is not the reunion I'd anticipated when I made my arrangements. I'm also not positive that you nailed the topic. If you were to take out the lines were you mention
I'm so sorry, I was trying to fix a typo, and I hit submit with my fat finger. If you were to remove the lines where you mention road trip, I would never have guessed the topic. In order to really nail the topic criterion for the judges, you want to make sure the story is infused with the topic, that the reader could guess the topic if she didn't know it.

However, in my opinion, you did a wonderful job of all of the other things the judges look at. Like I mentioned, your beginning was quite good. I was eager to keep reading and could almost smell fear in the air. Likewise, your ending really popped a punch too. Many struggle with finding a suitable ending with the limited word count, but you made it look easy. Other than the things I mentioned, you did have some good transitions and the piece is crafted expertly. Your message is awesome. I loved that you showed God speaking to you in the midst of the storm. The allegory is simply brilliant.
07/16/15
Congratulations, Loni, on your highly commended award.