The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/23/15
You gave us several verses to clearly illustrate the topic. This was very well thought out.
Keep writing!
10/26/15
A well designed story of thought provoking messages, and scripture to help us find our way back to God. Well done. Keep writing.
Good commentary of self-willed directions and self-yielded trust.

Following his ways yield contentment and peace.

Well written article.
I truly like the format of this well-thought out, caring message. I liked how you showed the reader how you pray. (I might urge you to put those parts in italics, so the reader understands it's a quiet prayer or in quotation marks if spoke aloud.) Many people truly don't understand how to connect with Jesus like you did in this great testimony.

Because of the POV choice, however, I felt confused at times. In the second and third paragraphs, you switch from first person to the universal you. My take was you were talking directly to the reader. For me, I find it more effective and intimate if the author I truly like the format of this well-thought out caring message. I liked how you showed the reader how you pray. (I might urge you to put those parts in italics, so the reader understands it's a quiet prayer or in quotation marks if spoke aloud.) Many people truly don't understand how to connect with Jesus like you did in this great testimony.

Because of the POV choice, however, I felt confused at times. In the second and third paragraphs, you switch from first person to the universal you. My take was you were talking directly to the reader. For me, I find it more effective and intimate if the author stays in the first person and avoids the universal you. . For example it could be written like this: Clarification gave me the proper perspective, freeing my mind so that I received a definitive interpretation of things I needed to change in order to remove obstacles. (In my example, not only did I switch the POV voice, but also tried to be consistent with tense keeping it in the past like your first paragraph. I also tightened it up some and tried to use synonyms. I think if you go back and count, you'll be surprised at the number of times certain words were repeated in just a paragraph or two (like clarity, navigational, path). Later when you switched to the second person, I believed it was what God said to you. There you used some quotation marks so it was clearer. If those parts I mentioned were God's words, then using italics for your thoughts and prayers and quotation marks or again italics if God is speaking silently to you, will clear it up for confused readers like me. You could use an occasional tagline or body language to clarify who is speaking. For example:
After doing it my way for oh so long, I found myself frustrated, (I changed tired to frustrated because tired and exhausted could mean the same thing.) exhausted, and getting nowhere. I was running on empty. Lifting my head up, I spread out my arms and prayed. I recognize that you are God, and you desired me to go in another direction.

I hope I didn't come off as too critical. Most of what I said is just my opinion, but I've found for me, it's easier to understand if someone gives specifics and examples. You have such a powerful piece here, I really wanted to give you things to consider so that you will become the best writer possible. I definitely see the Holy Spirit working through your words.

Your take on the topic was spot on. You entire article was about clarity, and that's not easy to do, but you mastered it. I also think the Bible verses were a great match for your message. It's clear to me that not only does God have great plan for this piece, but you put a great deal of effort in it. Between the two, I see countless people, being touched by your words, eager to read the Bible for themselves, and to earnestly repeat your prayers. That's a wonderful combination for any Christian writer.
Your message is a great one. You had a strong beginning g to pull reader in, nice transitions, and an ending that explains it all once more. Outstanding job.
I'm so sorry for the garbled mess in my first comment. Something went hincky with my tablet. I will try to fix it so you can understand it. Also my italics didn't show up either. Hopefully this time will be better.
Take Two:
I truly like the format of this well-thought-out, caring message. I liked how you showed the reader how you pray. (I might urge you to put those parts in italics, so the reader understands it's a quiet prayer or in quotation marks if spoken aloud.) Many people truly don't understand how to pray with Jesus like you did in this great testimony.

Because of the POV choice, however, I felt confused at times. In the second and third paragraphs, I thought you switched from first person to the universal you. My take was you were talking directly to the reader. For me, I find it more effective and intimate, if the author stays in the first person and avoids the universal you. For example, it could be written like this: Clarification gave me the proper perspective, freeing my mind so that I received a definitive interpretation of things I needed to change in order to remove obstacles. (In my example, not only did I switch the POV voice, but also tried to be consistent with tense keeping it in the past like your first paragraph. I also tightened it up some and tried to use synonyms. I think if you go back and count, you'll be surprised at the number of times certain words were repeated in just a paragraph or two (like clarity, navigational, path). In later paragraphs, when you switched to the second person, I believed it was what God said to you. There you used some quotation marks so it was clearer. If those parts I mentioned were God's words, then using italics for your thoughts and prayers and quotation marks or again italics if God is speaking silently to you, will clear it up for confused readers like me. You could use an occasional tagline or body language to clarify who is speaking. For example:
After doing it my way for oh so long, I found myself frustrated, exhausted, and getting nowhere. I was running on empty. Lifting my head up, I spread out my arms and prayed. I recognize that you are God, and you desired me to go in another direction. (I changed tired to frustrated because tired and exhausted could mean the same thing.)

I hope I didn't come off as too critical. Most of what I said is just my opinion, but I've found for me, it's easier to understand if someone gives specifics and examples. You have such a powerful piece here, I really wanted to give you things to consider so that you will become the best writer possible. I definitely see the Holy Spirit working through your words.

Your take on the topic was spot on. You entire article was about clarity, and that's not easy to do, but you mastered it. I also think the Bible verses were a great match for your message. It's clear to me that not only does God have great plans for this piece, but you put a great deal of effort in it. I see the Holy Spirit using your words to touch countless people, making them eager to read the Bible for themselves, and to earnestly repeat your prayers. That's a wonderful combination for any Christian writer.

Your message is a great one. You had a strong beginning to pull reader in, nice transitions, and an ending that explains it all once more. Outstanding job.
02/05/16
I've done shouting in the past and Proverbs 3:5-6 truly makes our paths smoother.

Thanks for sharing!