The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
God is FAITHFUL. Good job.
01/22/16
Thank you for sharing your story. The
01/23/16
Organs are truly a gift of life. I am so glad your surgery was successful.
01/23/16
Thank you for sharing this story. Life is a gift.
This is a powerful story. I enjoyed your take on the topic and thought this was on topic, fresh, and a powerful message too.

The beginning was all telling and no showing. Because it's a true story, it can be hard to do more showing, but it's not impossible. By using creative nonfiction, you can show the reader what transpired. For example, I might suggest starting like this:
Sitting in the hospital waiting room, I rocked back and forth as I imagined what must've happened to bring me here in the middle of the night. With my eyes closed, I gnawed on my lip, envisioning the accident. Apparently, two joggers found her unconscious in the park, and while one punched in 9-1-1 on her cell, the other might have knelt beside her, caressing her hand. I could almost see the blue and red lights strobing, piercing the darkness as the police contacted her next of kin. With tear-streamed faces, each member of her family would've gently kissed her cheek, brushed her hair back, and stared at her face in an attempt to burn her image in their minds.
My heart ached for her family, but when my phone rang at ten that night, my heart quickened when the person on the other end of the phone said, "Can I speak with your husband, please?"

That's just a quick example to show you what I mean by using body language and descriptions instead of telling. It's not perfect, but it also helps with the POV shift. Since you weren't there, you wouldn't be able to know what the family and joggers did, but this way, you can combine your information you received from the hospital staff with your imagination. It's not perfect, but I hope it helps explains my suggestions some.

When my mom had three cranial aneurysms rupture, we made the difficult decision to donate her organs. Although nothing can take away the overwhelming grief, I knew Mom wouldn't have thought twice about helping others while she was alive, and in death, it was no different. She always gave of herself, right to the end. When Jesus asked, "Whom shall I send?" Mom's hand would be in the air, waving back and forth. Your story makes it easier for me, even though over 20 years have passed. I often concentrate on what I lost, not what Mom (seeing Jesus) and others (recipients) gained. I pray for those people who received her organs. I'm happy that those people and your husband received that wonderful gift. Thank you for sharing this. I hope it will help others make that difficult decision too.



01/27/16
Wow! So powerful and poignant at once.

Praise God for your husband's "gift" of life...I'm so happy for the two of you, may you celebrate a great many years together.

God bless~
01/28/16
Congratulations!


God Bless~
01/28/16
Congratulations!!
01/28/16
Congratulations on your 3rd place in the Beginners category. Shann had some wonderful suggestions that would make your story finish even higher in the standings.

This is such a heartfelt story and I can't wait to read more of your writing.