The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/26/16
Well--written. I want to know how it was used!
02/26/16
I see it is fiction. I still want to know.
02/26/16
Use it for a drug rehab facility.
03/02/16
I'm glad this pastor found the answer to his dilemma. This piece was well done.

Red ink:

You needed to use heard instead of hear.

The kitchen had been updated, but the most modern convenience was 1953.
This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the conflict and could see myself wrestling with the same thing (that is if anyone ever left me a 200-year-old farm!)

For me, the beginning was a bit slow. I'd urge you to jump right into the story and sprinkle bits of the back story throughout. For example: Wiggling about, I tried to find a comfortable position. After watching the clouds float by the plane for what felt like hours, I pulled out the letter and read it once more. I can't believe I inherited the old homestead. I wonder if it's really been around since George Washington was president. What am I supposed to do with it? I love being the pastor of my medium-sized church. Plus, I don't want to live through New England winters. I'm just going to have to sell it, but I feel guilty about parting with something that's been in the family for so long. My ears popped, and I realized the plane was beginning its decent.

I know I took liberties, but wanted to show how body language and thought can paint a picture for the reader. You do a much better job as the story progresses. I also added the letter from a lawyer to help tie in the mail topic. I know you mention mail in the end, but by starting with one piece of mail and ending with another, it not only brings the story full circle, but also infuses the whole story with the topic. If not for the mail, the MC wouldn't be going back east.

Personally, I like the open-ending. It doesn't bother me that you didn't say for certain what happened. Since you still had some words left in the count, perhaps you could've described how the idea of the camp came to him and paint a picture of his vision.

All in all, you did a fine job. Your conflict is clear and interesting. You do a nice job of pacing (once you get past the first paragraph), you created an interesting character and you made me stop and think. Those are all good things. I look forward to reading more of your work. You have a gift for sure.