The Official Writing Challenge
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01/26/17
Wow...that is some amazing story and experience. My heart broke reading this.

God is the only one that can help...prayers should be continued for such people, and for all of those hurting.

Thank you for sharing this story with us...which was very well written.

Blessings~
This just breaks my heart. You did a nice job of describing the scenes and poor Fred. So many seem one way on the outside, but only God knows our true hearts. My former minister often said that praying is not the least we can do for someone, but the most. Your story made me stop and pray for Fred specifically and all the Fred's I don't know I know.
Transitions are critical to the unity of any piece or short story. In one sentence you are going to visit his school room with his dad but the next sentence you are at his house or room.

Time sequences and spatial sequences are important to help readers follow the action of the story. Be careful with these.

If you like stories like these, keep writing to gain experience. Also, reading short stories help getting ideas.
01/28/17
My heart goes out to you, your family, and, of course, Fred. Please keep praying & never underestimate God's redemptive power. Blessings to you & keep writing.
02/02/17
You did a wonderful job of painting a picture of the relentless attacks of Satan. So sad when we give in to the flesh. I would have liked to see a good hook. Reread your first sentence and see if you you think you have to find out what this is about or if you think I need to read more. Great job. Reread many times before submitting and those little grammar mishaps will be cleaned up. Thanks for a super read.
02/02/17
You did a wonderful job of painting a picture of the relentless attacks of Satan. So sad when we give in to the flesh. I would have liked to have seen a good hook. Reread your first sentence and see if you you think you have to find out what this is about or if you think I need to read more. Great job. Reread many times before submitting and those little grammar mishaps will be cleaned up. Thanks for a super read.
02/03/17
Thanks for sharing this. We don't know what people are going through, and prayer is the most powerful weapon we have to help us and others win the battles.

Larry had some key things to say. Also a good hook is helpful. I have found that reading the other entries (especially the Editor's Choice and Masters) helps to give a feel for what good writing is. They aren't called 'masters' for nothing.

Don't be afraid to comment. Start with the Beginner and Intermediate categories as you are able. This also is a real help.

Happy Writing! Trudy
02/06/17
Congrats on placing third.
What a touching account showing us the restorative power of God and also highlighting that we must be vigilant about our salvation, guard our hearts,pray for strength to endure testing and hard situations.
I also appreciate how you used the parable of the unclean spirit.
Sad that he fell again but hopeful because God can go it again.

Many Blessings!