The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 382 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/27/17
I really enjoyed the voice, dialogue, and lessons in this piece.

To make it a little easier to read, make a separate paragraph each time someone speaks.
With a story as heavy on dialogue and information as this piece, it would also be good to mix in some actions. For example, you might tell us how the boy positions himself or what he does as he is asking and thinking about the questions.
This is an excellent discussion between a Jewish father and son.Separating what each says in their own paragraph intensifies their words and makes the reading of the piece easier.

This will make for shorter paragraphs and will keep our concentration.
10/31/17
Interesting story between a Jewish son and his father.

I noticed a shift of the point-of-view changing from the young boy to the father: The father smiled at his son briefly remembering when he had first asked a similar question of his own father. If we are watching the story unfold through the eyes of the young boy, we would not be able to tell what the father is thinking. It might help if the young boy was given a name.