The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/04/13
Good heavens above! You've certainly had a lot of disturbing life experiences to draw upon for the topic. Your detailed portrayal of the characters leaves nothing to the imagination, but I had to smile at the end paragraph. I pray you'll be happy splashing in God's fishbowl ever after. Don't forget the swimsuit! Great writing.
11/04/13
Wow! If this is a true account of your life, I can only say once again, God had his hands on you to bring you through it all!

Your story had my stomach in an upheaval as I read all that you've gone through, but smiled at the end when you finally found "your pond to swim in" happily ever after.

Thank you for sharing this emotional story.

God bless~
A well written memoir. One small stumble for me: was there a divorce or annulment in your marriage just prior to 1973? A little clarity here would remove that question. Thanks for sharing such personal memories.
You covered a great deal of territory on a difficult topic in a short span. Good job not jumbling things together. You gave just enough in each frame before moving on.

I did feel like I was drowning a bit by midpoint with all the water metaphors. I know it's easy to do when you're writing to a topic, but trimming a few back will make them all more meaningful.

Good job, keep writing!
You really packed a lot of details into only 750 words. You definitely held my attention from beginning to end.

You may want to consider focusing on just one or two of the stories so you can do it justice. It was a bit hard to jump from scene to scene. Also try not to use as many of the topic words. A lot of people are taking the topics literally, instead of the implied meaning of being uncomfortable in your surroundings.

You really connected with me. I could feel the pain of the MC and wanted to reach through the page and hold her tight. You were open and honest with a difficult subject. Good job!
11/06/13
A sobering story. It definitely held my attention. Nice job of presenting (and resolving) a personal tragedy. And God bless.