The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/17/16
You had a good thought, but I found several sentences that seemed, to me, to be awkward. I had to read them a couple of times to get what you were saying, Some people suggest you read it aloud to see how it sounds. I have not tried this. Maybe it would help.
06/18/16
I really like this piece! The pacing built from gentle nudging to soul-searching and conviction, into hand-raising praise. Your example of overeating can be applied to any weakness the enemy can exploit. This was one line I highlighted: "...when we seek for comfort from what we consume."

While your message and your words are powerful, your writing would be stronger with study and practice of the craft. Check the forums for Jan's Writing Basics - her lessons have been helping me improve for years.

I could feel your passion through your writing, and your message will resonate with me for some time. Thank you for this awesome devotion.

06/22/16
Powerful message.

Blessings~