The Official Writing Challenge
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Good job with the topic this week. This is a message that is sorely needed in the Church today.
I think you did a great job on this entry and that you should soon move up to the next level. It's too bad that most of today's kids miss out on creative play. Instead, they play with their electronics instead of using imagination. You well blended your two stories together to deal with the topic. Good job! I'm sorry you had to go through the abuse and home it is over now.
This is a well written life story that pains us as we read it and brings up the question of how can this be prevented with the youth of today.
Powerful message here to be sure.
Your beginning recollections were lovely and made me smile. They were really descriptive. Although the main part of your story was a sharp deviation from the beginning. It felt a bit more rushed because of the word limit than the first part. Although I enjoyed the descriptions immensely, it might have been better to cut some of that or save it for another story to be able to show in your second half as well. Just a tiny thing too: everyday as one word means ordinary like the everyday dishes, but if talking about each day, it should be every day. Also be aware of random capitalization like Play House. Lowercase would work fine with those words because they aren't proper nouns. Your message is powerful. It made my heart hurt to think of the abuse suffered and seen by the kids. You make some wonderful points. I believe your words have the potential to save someone from a life of misery so keep writing! Your last line is wonderful.
The first two paragraphs were very descriptive and a pleasure to read. Using the story though as a lead in to a painful situation diluted the dramatic effect, as their is a limited word count.

It also felt like the beautiful description of the first two paragraphs was abandoned, never developed. It seemed like a sermon. Usually a sermon is much longer, with room to develop points and theme.

That said, the piece was well written. It is an example of how mental and physical abuse within the family can revictimise a victim over and over again by making them feel guilty for things they could not control.

Only God can control. To allow guilt to brood for the results of the abuse is just giving power to the abuser. I like your writing.
06/26/19
I don't understand 'pla ike'. Could you explain?