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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1854 times

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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/12/06
What I liked - Loved your action verbs! excellent descriptions of the fire without overdoing it. "flames lapped the sky" nice visual.
What I would change - the ending was a surprise but I did like it when it stopped with the original story but the twist was interesting too. Either way - this was well written - very tight and kept me right there. Good job!
10/13/06
Terrific suspense! Excellent writing! Great story! My only suggestion would to have put the young Billy first, and then the Grown up Chief last...but that's only my amateur opinion. Kudos on this one!
There's a couple of little typos in there but the whole thing is nice and flows well. I like the idea that Billy is such a caring, responsible kid to imagine all these things!
10/16/06
This sounds just like my grandson! He not only has a heart for the Lord but a FANTASTIC imagination! and I don't doubt he could do this when grown. Good job on this Cassie!
Cute twist! I did find some parts of this to be bogged down a little with unnecessary description...like the first paragraph--we don't necessarily need each detail of getting ready to go. :-) Great story, though!
10/17/06
Nice job--suspenseful and action-packed.
10/17/06
I totally believed this was about an adult fireman until the end! Excellent imagination. Wish I was this kids' English teacher!

Nice work!
10/18/06
Great twist at the end - I was compelled throughout. Super writing!
Pretty neat! I loved the twist. A few awkward sentences and words too close together in some places, for instance "The truck roared" and then in the following sentence "The truck charged" Just a thought. But great story!
10/19/06
The twist at the end makes this story especially creative. Although I would liked to have seen Billy snap back into reality from his daydream at his mother calling his name. Enjoyed the story. Good job!
Congratulations Cassie on your well-deserved EC win!
Excellent story, told with finesse and skill.
I, for one, am looking forward to more. Blessings on your pen.
Bonnie