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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/07/07
Right on! I love this story. I just wish Kyle had acted sooner, but at least he did something about the attitude crowd. Flowing and engaging writing. I enjoyed every sentence.
09/08/07
This is great. You kept me reading to find out if Kyle would do something, and also WHAT he might do. Great job!!
09/12/07
Love the title, love Kyle.

My only problem was with Laura herself--in my experience with teens, someone like her wouldn't go to the dance, knowing she'd be subject to ridicule at worst and being ignored at best. If you re-visit with this, give Laura a reason for being there.

Really nice writing, of a sort that teens would enjoy reading.
I like this kind of boldness. Your last few lines are perfect. A great read all the way through.
09/12/07
You described the actions my son Alex would take to a tee! Great writing--the girls sure are missing out on some good things in life! Well done, keep writing!
09/12/07
This story was well-written and held my attention throughout. I really didn't like that group of girls kyle was with. Glad he made such a good choice!

Debbie
I've read several stories this week with heroes such as Kyle and I'm not growing tired of them. This was well written and the reader is easily able to empathize with the new girl in town as well as feel the haughtyness the snobs. Great Job!
This is a winner. I loved it. I loved the details (red punch on the shirt), the dialogue, the plot, EVERYTHING. Oh, I was rooting for Kyle. I thought he would do the right thing since the topic was BOLD but was eager for him to get to it. GREAT! I hope this places. (I think it will.)
Great description--great characterization--great message--all in this excellent story.
I'm with Loren - there are a few Kyles this week. :P Not only is this well-written but I think you got the teens' dialogue down pat. The "she smells like a barn" thing really made me wince, and I know similar sentiments are, sadly, being made every day.

I personally would have Kyle act a bit sooner in the story, so that we could get a little characterization from the girl herself and also maybe some expanded reactions from his popular friends.

But, that's just a humble suggestion. Excellent job!!