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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This was very funny. The rhyme scheme added to the humor. I loved your ending. Great job.
I read this a second time because I liked it so much. I noticed stumbling at the same verse. "Swirled now like brown silk" might flow better if you said, "Now swirled like brown silk." Ask others their opinion.

Loved it again.
Ryhme was good but needs a little work. Keep writing.