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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Your story kept my interest thoughout. I could just see these two brothers in all their "activities". :) (plus my husband is the youngest of 6 boys and I've heard similar stories :) ) I liked your ending (it warmed my heart). Nice work!
I can SO see this happening! I toured many caves with my family when I was a kid, and was often tempted to cross the barrier and explore. Great job using dialog to build your characters and tell (I mean "show") the story. Love your WOW moment. :)
I liked your story so much when I finished it that I forgot the red ink you requested. :) In the beginning, the words "perhaps" and determined" don't sound like what an 8-year old would say. And I think you switched tense after the first paragraph? That's all! Great entry. :)
I really enjoyed this! You did very well at creating the family dynamics - slightly harassed parents, squeemish sister and of course mean older brother picking on younger one. I loved the older brother taking responisibility in the end, he was a "well-rounded" character, not as mean as he looked!
Thank you for submitting such pleasurable reading! This is a well written and interesting story. Wow!
I enjoyed your story, from beginning to end! Well done!
Felt like I was in that cave too. I was nervous, thinking about what Tommy was going to do next. Him fessing up at the end, completely took me by surprise!
Loved the interaction between these two boys and their family. I'm glad the oldest finally owned up:) Cute story.
Great story... authentic dialogue... Glad the little rascal owned up!

(The tense in the first paragraph should match the rest of the story.)
I really enjoyed your journey... great dialogue. Great job.
I really like stories that are about small moments of great significance. This is one of those--the moment a boy begins to understand responsibility. Loved the details about the cave, too. I think I may have visited that one (in Missouri, right?) when I was a child. Well done.
This is so awesome - and the ending is perfect. As far as red ink, the only thing I could say is that some of the vocabulary seemed a little older than an 8-year-old: petrified, for example. Great inspiration!
I enjoyed this story very much. Also thankful I didn't have a younger (or older)sibling who got me in trouble all the time. I liked the title and how you mentioned it at the beginning and the end of the story. That gives the story subtle cohesiveness, in my opinion.
Good story with a great message. My only "red ink" would be to let the reader know early on where this cave was with a few descriptions. Story held my interest all the way through.
Great story here with a wonderful lesson.
Haha...the ending with the headlock is just perfect. You captured their characters wonderfully and I loved the POV you chose, it just made this come alive through younger eyes. Nicely done! I liked it.
Ha! Great ending and superb opening. I really enjoyed this entry. Your story telling voice is very sincere and allowed me to relax and enjoy the piece. Great job. God bless.
PS Great title too!
I enjoyed this on a couple of levels, being a parent myself and a sister of six boys.
Believable and interesting.

This family dialogue was so believable and the relationships felt "real". Great job!