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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I enjoyed this story. It tore at my heart at times while other times I recognized the courage and stamina of the MC.

A little bit of red ink would be to break the paragraphs into smaller ones. Especially with stories this size, it's important not to overwhelm the reader.

The other thing may just be something that I noticed and may not bother others. But this is the third story where I've read the line Life is no picnic. Not only is it cliche` but it's not true. But I won't go into that. My point is I don't think you needed it. In my opinion her lunch in the park where she "just happened" to find the answer to her prayers would have made the story on topic by itself. Sure it's not your typical picnic but it was an outdoor bit of respite and that is really what a picnic is all about.

I think it was a quite creative take on the topic and kind of felt you needed to throw in that line so someone wouldn't accuse you of being off topic.

You did a great job of making me feel like I was right there with the MC. I could feel her guilt at not exercising, about worrying that her child was stuck in daycare, and the grief of having her idyllic life ripped out from under her by the brutality of war. Wow that is a lot of emotion in only 750 words and you made it look easy!

I also liked how realistic you kept it by having the MC still struggle. God doesn't promise life will be all sunshine and roses but with his strength we can get through the rough times. You clearly demonstrated that message in this story. I believe many readers will be grateful for the gentle reminder. I know I am.
I just loved this article. What a load your dear MC has been carrying and how like God to give her both the solution to her job situation and another challenge to work through with Him. You did a really nice job. I don't know a lot about the finer points of writing yet, but I do know that you really had me with this story, from start to finish.
This story gripped my heart and didn't let it go. It was poignant, sobering, and filled with a myriad of emotional ups & downs. Very good job with this piece. It held my attention from beginning to end. Thank you, and God bless~
This story gripped my heart in so many ways: losing a husband to war because I had 2 grandchildren go to Afghanistan, the 2 year old's instrusion on mommy's workplace at home because here I sit this moment with 2 year old granddaughter Jocelyn who demands my attention like little Josh in the story (she just demanded to watch Mickey Mouse on my laptop-when I said no, I'm working, her reply "You not working." My response of Yes, I'm reading FaithWriters entries meant nothing to her. LOL) Your entry is very well written and so enjoyable. God bless!
There is a lot of reality here and a good outcome. I enjoyed it.
I do think perhaps you overstressed the topic a little, when the MC's picnic covered it very well.
I think it should really speak to single mothers about a heart torn between spending more time with their children versus the demands of making a living. Good job.
This was so moving and gripping. The deep inner struggles that were painted so clearly for us to read were done so beautifully.

I really liked the ending with the mom and child - it really left the reader with a ray of hope that they were going to be okay. Wonderful writing!