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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You touched the depth and gambit of emotions that we feel when losing a loved one. I've met that elephant. And praise God, He is bigger and more powerful!
This is powerful and riveting. I could feel that elephant in my chest. Well written and I like your style!
Very powerful mix of emotions and images, expressed with candour and honesty that keeps us right with you. Great writing.
You captured the emotions of the MC brilliantly. I could feel the pain and fear leap off the page. I wasn't 100 % sure if I knew what the elephant was, but then decided it didn't really matter. We all have elephants of different shapes and sizes trying to smother us. I have been dealing with a death phobia my whole life and your ending reminded me once more that Jesus is the only answer to that fear He can and will help me through. Very nicely done.
Thank you for this stirring entry. . .

Please "throw a brick" for others to enjoy, comment and support your writing:

Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
A very accurate portrayal of emotion dealing with grief. Only the strength of our Lord can sustain us during this time. The picture you paint is very real. Thank you for writing this moving piece.
Grief is that looming "elephant" that we each must face throughout life. I love how you carried me along by your MC's internal dialogue and unfolded the story so beautifully.
Hi Karls. This is a brick throw, so I've tried to make it a bit more than just sugar and cream, though it's a really captivating read:

This is such a powerful piece that carried me along to the end. You certainly showed, rather than told, with your vivid descriptions of emotions.

I found myself getting a little distracted in para 5 and I think it's because the subject changed. Initially it was all about the elephant. It was in the room, on your chest, refusing to be ignored. Then the focus changed to you. "Believe me, I've tried." Maybe it needs to be transitioned: "It refused to be ignored no matter how much I tried."(?) or something like that. Also, the negative was a distraction -- "ignoring it would make it not exist." One usually makes something be something or do something, not make something not be. I'd feel better if you thought ignoring it would make the elephant disappear.

I loved the emotions that arose, as they always do in a bereavement; feelings of selfishness, failure and the finality of it all -- no chance for restitution. I've been there and you made it all so real. And your ending, giving such a sure hope was superb.

Thanks for a great entry.

Knowing what you've walked through in the past few months, I recognize the huge personal emotions you put into this entry. (((hugs)))

Great job. Happy for your commendation. <3
Wonderful - thoughtful! Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

Love & Hugs in, through and because of Jesus, the Christ,

Judi Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
Happy Holydays, beware the holly daze . . .
Congratulations on your 4th place win in your level and for ranking 16 overall! (The highest rankings can be found on the message Boards.)Happy Dance!!
Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging comments. This is actually a true account of the day my brothers and I had to say goodbye to our mom.

I appreciate the constructive remarks and all the helpful insights. I will use them and definitely implement them into the editing of this for an anthology project I have in progress.