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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 443 times

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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/05/14
A clever and different approach to the topic. This was well written and enjoyable.

Good messages too.

God bless~
I totally enjoyed this charming story. You did a wonderful job of bringing the story to life.

I did notice you started in the past tense then switched to the present. You also had a POV shift by telling the story from Sooty's POV then shifting to the other girl's. You did use the section notes (Inside Hartsfield Plantation House), so it didn't totally take me by surprise. I think it would be interesting to see the story all from Sooty's POV. You could do something like this: Suddenly, the girl froze as voices from the house drifted down through the fireplace. Squeezing her eyes shut, she murmured, "Please, don't let dem find me unner here."


That's just my thoughts, others may feel differently. It took me quite awhile to fully understand the concept of POV shift, but I think once I mastered it, my writing became stronger.

You did a fabulous job of sprinkling the topic all over the story. Your dialog felt natural and gave me a real sense of the setting and the characters. The ending was perfect. What a beautiful demonstration of doing unto others. This is a message we all need from time to time. I also could see this lovely story expanded into a YA novel. I'd love to read more of these wonderful characters.
I want to apologize for commenting about the tense change comment. I've read your story again, and don't see any tense change at all. I'm not sure if I misread something or saw it on the story I read before yours and it merged in my head. You did a fine job of keeping the story in the past tense and I'm so sorry for my mistake. I truly enjoyed this story. You really did a nice job of thinking outside the box too.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in level three! Happy Dance!