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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 408 times

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Member Comments
Member
Date
This is so sweet. As a new grandmother of the most precious three-month old baby girl ever, I could totally guess what, or should I say who, the MC was longing to see. I could almost feel her anticipation.
Be careful you clarify who is speaking. I like that you did it without using too many taglines like he said or she asked. You did a fantastic job of using body language and emotions to show your characters, but I stumbled over this line: To add insult to injury, Brayden laughed too. “You are corrupting my great grandson! How low can you go?”
Because the last action was Brayden laughing, I thought he was the speaker, and then stopped and reread it a few times. Just adding something like this would fix it: I turned to my husband and waved my finger at him. "You're corrupting..."
You really did a wonderful job of showing instead of telling. You made me giggle throughout because I could picture the scene in my mind. You also did a great job of tackling the topic. I truly enjoyed this delightful read.
08/03/15
Awww. So sweet! I loved this.

God bless~
08/06/15
Congratulations Brenda!

God bless~