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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 493 times

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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/06/15
Excellent job! You approached the topic in a creative and deeply absorbing fashion!

Well done.

God bless~
I enjoyed this story. I admit I saw the ending coming, yet I was still eager to keep reading. I have no doubt that God does things like that every day, probably every second. I've often wondered what would have happened if the phone hadn't made me a few minutes late. It's a profound message and one we all need to remember more often.

I don't think you needed the opening get paragraph. Instead, I might encourage you to jump right in with the action. The reader would have understood the type of man Jeb was by your descriptions and dialog. I kept wondering who the MC was and was delighted to find out in the end. In my opinion, if you had shown the boy's emotions and thoughts right off, it might have had an even greater impact. This is just an example of what I mean: As a twelve-year-old kid being shuffled about the foster system in the 90s, I quickly learned not to trust anyone... until I met Jeb.
Just by doing something like that in the beginning, it would show the conflict right off, introduce the MC, and show that Jeb was special.

I definitely liked your take on the topic, and how Jeb made a point of making the foster kids feel like family. Your story urged me to stop and pray for the foster kids who ache for a family. You did a great job highlighting an important message. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
I'm so happy to see this at the top of level three and in the EC win too! Congratulations! Happy Dance!
08/15/15
Like daughter, like mother. Congratulations on your 9th place EC award, Amy. I enjoy reading your stories. I do agree with Shann about getting right into the story, but this piece was well-written overall.