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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 431 times

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Member Comments
Member
Date
Right out of the gate, you grabbed my attention with your portrayal of the main conflict. I was hooked and eager to keep reading.

I noticed some minor things like a comma splice and using the word that instead of who in this line: I was the only one that mattered. (Remember if a person, use who, a thing use that.)

I enjoyed the attitude of the girl because it's so spot on (too spot on sadly). I think the story might have been stronger if you transitioned. The girl was refusing to go, but then suddenly in the car.

Even with those minor details, I still think you did a fantastic job. The ending was sweet. It was resolved nicely and left me with a good feeling. I really enjoyed this read, and I think it would be great for a tween magazine.
08/15/15
I think the MC was very typical of the average teenager. I loved the description of the Old Man of the Mountain watching her.
08/20/15
Thanks for an enjoyable re-entry to the adolescent world - which must revolve around each adolescent's unassailable wisdom.
Great descriptions and a reassuring wrap-up
08/21/15
Wonderful description of a teenagers awakening to the love of her granpa.