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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/29/15
I'm an Erma Bombeck fan, too. I loved your title.
11/29/15
Thanks for such a distressingly descriptive catalogue of harsh sounds....
12/02/15
Well done! I really enjoyed your story.

God bless~
As I read this, I pictured it as an infomercial. I think it was the question marks at the end of most lines that made me think of a hostess trying to sell something to those who suffer from allergies or have cheap mascara. If this was your intention, I think it's clever and out of the box. Since it was a bit confusing to me, I'd have liked some more details. You made some great points. Remember the Bible is the name of a book, so start it with a capital. I enjoyed your play on words and liked your take on the topic. Your second part really resonated with me. I think you make some awesome points.
What drew me in was the title. :) I love to roll words around on my mental tongue, savoring and feeling the descriptors, assembling them in such a way so as to use the fewest words for the most impact? Was that also your experience? Simply a few more connecting phrases, expanding these descriptions for coherency to better connect the thoughts to the reader? Fun piece.