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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You do a nice job of unfolding this intriguing mystery. The conflict drew me in and your pacing kept my attention to the very end.

I have just a couple of minor notes. Your opening line was passive. I'd urge you to switch it around: Leaning over the third-floor balcony, I squinted at the creepy guy with his cap pulled over his eyes.
Also, would it be too difficult for the MC to see the shifty eyes from so far away with his cap on? I'll admit with my eyesight that would be impossible, but I know others have better vision. Instead of using the slightly cliché phrase of shifty eyes, you could describe it differently. What do shifty eyes look like? Give me that description so I can clearly picture it.

I know I'm being a bit of a nitpick because you do have some great descriptions in this piece, but I think with a tiny bit of tweaking, you could change it to fantastic. You've done a great job of writing on topic. I enjoyed the ending, especially the prayer. So many people don't know how to pray, so I always enjoy it when a prayer is included. You definitely delivered a vital message. We all need to be reminded of the importance of prayer. You also did a great job of writing on topic. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level and 17 overall. Happy Dance!