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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wonderful writing on a difficult life exerience. You put me right there, and I wept and fought and repented with you. Beautiful recurring images of dust and moving on!
This was beautiful. I would have liked to see it go on a little longer, stretch out the ending. But good job!
I think I know who this is.

An honest picture of 'Why?' and the struggle back to the Presence of God.

Things too difficult to comprehend or understand yet you paint a beautiful picture of this very thing.

I too would have liked to hear more at the end - but you know, sometimes it's just that simple, when something so complex happens. Good work.
Jan, this is beautifully written! I just love how you phrased that 5th paragraph.

I know the main topic is the mother's broken heart, but I would've liked a bit of an update on the daughter's rehab - perhaps a comparison of her healing vs. the mom's healing.
Very well done. The words paint a powerful picture.
I'm so glad you left a clue. What a wonderful job of capturing emotion and spiritual struggling. Very well written. By the way, I've always gotten a kick out of that phrase, "traveling mercies.":)
"I no longer wish to be strong and brave. I want to crawl into the arms of my Father and weep out all of my brokenheartedness. I want to be rocked, to hear Him hum a tuneless melody of comfort while I bury my face in His shoulder. But I can not get back to Him; I am weighed down by the darkness. I am lost."

So many people can identify with these words. As I read I was reminded of an old Twila Paris song - The Warrior is a Child. Thanks for posting.
This is Great - might be three in a row!
The best sentence to me? This one: "But I can not get back to Him; I am weighed down by the darkness. I am lost." He always comes all the way to where we are.

This was a nice read, but too much was skipped or glossed over. I want more reaction around the daughter, maybe having to tell her. I want to know what happened to the daughter. I want a little longer in the actual time God healed, not instantaneous. This piece left me hungry for more. This would make a nice short story (I mean like 10 pages or so). Ok, in all honesty, it could be made into a novel. Overall, good writing.
As others have already said, I thought this was well written, but would have liked a little more towards the end. It would have been nice to see more of what was going through her heart as she came to a point where she was ready to come to the alter.
I'm not sure if this is from personal experience or not, but from a person who has four children and experienced a loss, I can tell you that it feels like it comes from firsthand experience. I wish I could write out my anguish as well as this. I think it's perfect the way it is, but then, I was able to fill in the gaps for myself.
Jan, I read this earlier in the week and was so moved that I didn't know what to comment. All my words seem so insufficient right now. I love the honesty of this piece. You show your own grief from your daughter's suffering. I wouldn't want you to go anywhere else with this story. This is a most powerful, most beautiful piece of writing.
Very nice writing.. smooth and touching. Captured deep emotions. Looks like a winner.
Crista said what I was feeling. "Honest" and "real" were the words that came to my mind. You'e displayed true emotions most of us experience from time to time and the overwhelming grace of Jesus Christ. I loved the "Look..." lines. It came together at the end beautifully. A powerful piece.
Very nicely written...I loved the last line...
"now it bears the fingerprints of the Healer"...His scarred hands healing...wonderful word picture! I, too, could see this as a longer story...but it might be too difficult to write? I do hope you win!
I could feel every ounce of pain, fear, hopelessness, anger and despair. And then I felt the hand of God as one who has experienced that feeling of brokenness before.

I agree with the other comments...more, more, more. There is a much deeper story here. :)

Congratulations on your win!
Congratulations. This is so painful, yet beautiful. I understand some of those feelings. My heart has those same fingerprints of the Healer's hands. God bless you.
Congratulations, this is realy beautiful writing.
The three Look lines at the end is so powerful.Just Great!
Beautifully written, Jan, and Congratulations! The last three paragraphs brought me to my knees! Thank you!
Powerful expression of emotions - from initial grief through all its stages to healing and peace. I, too, wanted to know more details, but in all honesty the details aren't what counts...the journey is, because that's where we see God at work. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing.
Your writing richly tells of the distance we've all felt at one time or the other. Through the pain we learn that God hasn't moved away from us. He patiently waits for us to realize how much we need Him and finally ask for his help. Thank you for your story.
This is so touching, so beautiful, so vulnerable. I love how you showed the tenses of verbs. It made it so real.