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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I liked this a lot--it is very well-written--until I got to the "it was only a dream" part. Why not make it a fantasy story, and have the events be real? It'd be more thought-provoking that way. You did an excellent job of setting the scene, and creating the mysterious stranger with his whispered warnings.
I agree with the last comment. You totally had me until you woke up. Its an old worn out device that doesn't usually work well anymore. You worked it well enough, however. Glad the dream scared "the Hell" out of him!
I was caught by the imagery of the dream. It was vivid and had me seeking to read more. It reads very well through this section and then, poof! there's a change. The last half lost it's continuity. It became an article to skim through and left me feeling half empty, unfulfilled, and incomplete. Perhaps you could look at the last half to see if you can put more depth into it. Look at your assumptions. Instead of assuming that your reader would never sign their souls away, maybe assume that they don't understand the big deal. I hope this helps - dark pieces are a little challenging in bringing out the light and hope that Christ has to offer and that could be all that's happening as I read this - where's the hope?
The dream was intriguing...and in my opinion not "old hat"; but I'd have had the man awaken with thoughts of having a yacht, jewels, money...but just for a day? And then what? No eternity? Is that all there is? What is One Day to an Eternity? No tomorrow with no Soul! Well written however, and unique idea.
OOooo chills.. very well done, you drew the reader in than landed with a twist.. Good .. no Great job..
The dream part definitely kept me captivated - WONDERFUL description. I agree with much that has been said about the waking up part, but truly enjoyed the entire piece nonetheless!
Powerfully chilling piece---excellent writing skills!
This is some powerful writing. I like the whole concept. Great job.