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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is really clever and creative, taking the reader on a most unusual adventure. I thought, at first, that maybe the guard or the writer was the thief.I surely hope junk food is never that severely restricted!
Love that last line! :D

What a creative and amusing piece! Your descriptive writing was great! I especially liked the "gastro-monstrous mountain" and the sentence mentioning the ants at a picnic!

Hope your scenario doesn't come true, as I love my chocolate! :)

This is such a clever piece. I really liked how you built up the suspense. I think it was quite creative.

The only thing I might suggest would be to start off with something that would immediately grab the reader's attention. Perhaps the sirens roaring and lights flashing then have the MC go over her visit in her mind.

But even with that said, you did still grab my attention with the possible mystery of the guard's white chin. I thought it quite clever the way the story came full-circle with the guard being the likely culprit at the end--so perhaps I was wrong about having a catchier opening because the full circle was quite good.

You definitely covered the topic and the way some laws are being admitted something like your story could become a reality.
Congratulations on your well-deserved first place. I enjoyed reading this even more the second time as I picked up on the interesting details. Creative and well-written--I loved it.
Woo Hoo to my challenge buddy- BOB this week for this delightful story!
Congratulations! I so loved reading this delightful story, and love, love, love that it won FIRST PLACE!!!! YAY!!
Can you image the uproar this would cause if it was actually carried out? Can you imagine how much healthier we would all be? Very reative. Congratulations.
Excellent entry. Creative, clever, descriptive. loved every word of it! Congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST PLACE for this clever piece!! Way to Write!! :D
Congratulations on your EC!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless~

God Bless~
Scrumptious piece of work! Yummy to the last bite...
Delightful! Creative! So well written! Congrats!
What a very creative story! I was expecting a belch and belly ache after the chips and soda. :) And I love that the guard apparently nibbles on the monument. Congratulations, my friend!
Congratulations on your win, Beth, it was well-deserved. And thank you for answering a long-time mystery - about where all the weight goes when people lose it. But after all this time, it was worth the weight :-)
Bethie!!! What a joy to see your name at the top. Of course I ran over here expecting to be delighted by one of your uber-creative poems. But this?! Wow. Such fun. Such creativity. You multi-talented woman you! Love the funny details -- spinach green pants, obese mountain, ambrosia, saccharin apology...
I had a good laugh.
Well, well done, my friend.
Enjoy your win!
Congrats Beth. Good job!
What a creative intellect you have. I'm just hoping your not particularly prophesy-gifted in this articles particular area, however : ) Not that I'm a junk-food junkie, but I am thankful for my wife's "hidden" chocolate " stashes. Truth be told, it would probably take up an entire room for your museum. Congratulations on your EC!