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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You had me engaged until the mother was calling--I knew immediately he was dreaming. I would have preferred to see him make it across and him giving God all the glory. Still, I enjoyed the descriptive writing throughout this piece--and it certainly was on topic.
Great story-telling, and brilliant writing.
Well done and enjoyable piece with a good message.

God bless~
Oh you're an expert at building suspense. I could feel my heart beat a bit faster as I read. Usually I'm not a huge fan of the dream scenario, but you handled it masterfully and made me chuckle aloud. Brilliant job.
Wow. Great suspense. Excellent use of topic. Loved your ending.
I am so dense - I didn't realize this was a dream until the end of this harrowing story! You have skill, and that's putting it to the proverbial lightly. Thank you for the rollercoaster ride . . .
Took my first breath at the Proverbs verse. Very nice.
Such suspense and plot in this limited space. Riveting!

Totally on topic, kept my interest, great ending. The whole required package, except.... Thought I would throw a little suspense in too.

I have to say this even though I am at the bottom of the rung when it comes to commas.

The third paragraph to me had some commas missing.

Ha! you say. Picky! Picky! Picky!

Unbelievable story. I am afraid what you will say if you critiqued mine. LOL
This had me on pins and needles for sure. I was sooo relieved to find it was all a dream and he decided not to do that from the words God spoke to him.

This is masterful and powerful, and the message is plain and clear. Excellence in writing!
Wow, I enjoyed that. Great suspense!

As you are in Level 4, and I am in Level 2, I really have no business giving you any red ink... Although there were a couple of punctuation issues that stood out. "Don't look down!" appeared to be missing the beginning quotation marks. And on “That’s one crazy dude.” Stated Eddie...." mightn't it be better to have a comma after "dude", and then have "stated" be lower case?

In the part where he recalls the preacher's words, then looks down to the right and the left, the sentences about our decisions in life seemed almost to pause the action and jump out momentarily. I think the impact would have been just as powerful, if not greater, if you had had just the quote from Deuteronomy and continued the action from there.

It could be just me. It works very well either way!

Plus I'm no adrenaline junkie. I wouldn't get on that ridge anyway. If I were there though, I probably would be thinking not so much about how this parallels my life, and more about "How do I get the blankety-blank off this ridgetop?!" LOL.

But I prefer to live dangerously through vicariousness, which your story neatly provided. I loved your imagery. And the ending. :)
So happy to see you back with this story full of powerful imagery and lessons.
I'm looking forward to downloading your book,congratulations and actually I think I'll do that right now before I forget~
Congratulations on ranking 30 overall! Happy Dance!

Congrats on coming in 30th overall!

Love your entries.

God bless~