Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: WIN (02/14/19)
- TITLE: I Can't Win, or Maybe I Can
By Laurie Glass
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Why did I get an illness that has been regularly misunderstood, largely ignored, and still has no treatment? When I try to explain my symptoms, I get looks of disbelief and comments like, “That doesn’t make sense.” No, it doesn’t. That’s sort of what makes it a disease. If anyone could make sense of it, there would be some hope. But so far, no one has. I can’t win.
I plan my days carefully so I can respect my body’s limitations and still take care of myself. If I overdo, then I crash, and I can’t do anything. I would rather pace myself even if it means I don’t accomplish much in a day. However, it seems that just when I think I have a workable routine in place, my symptoms change, requiring me to adjust my pacing yet again. I can’t win.
This changed life feels so defeating, even pointless. I find it hard to keep on. I need to shift my focus. To keep my sanity, I look closely and dig deep to find what I’ve gained in the face of all that I’ve lost. While it takes some time, I’m able to uncover some victories.
I can see God’s work in me, leading me to a place of peace even when my financial future looks bleak. That could only come through divine strength, not my own. I focus more on gratitude than I ever have. I’m able to see silver linings in what seems like nothing but a big mess. I laugh every day no matter how horrible I feel. I need humor to cope. And if I can make someone else laugh, all the better. I’m more patient than I’ve ever been. That might not be saying much, but I’ve grown in this area, so I’m calling it a win.
The more I think about it, the easier it is to see the changes the Lord has brought about in me, and the more obvious the victories become. No, they aren’t the same as if I were healthy, but they mean a lot in my situation. Yes, I’ve lost. I’ve lost a lot. But I’ve also won. I need to focus on that.
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