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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
When you get to the end you understand what you have been reading.
Very good.
As soon as Jessica got dizzy, I knew where this was going, and I still got goosebumps! I like the comparison of the seedy office to this life. Well done!
This was very clever. And well written. Well done.
Although I knew where this was going, I absolutely loved it. The last paragraph is perfect. Well done.
You did an awesome job in the beginning of creating a creepy feeling. I thought about how TV shows use background music to set the mood. Depending on the music, the exact same words, scene can mean different things. I could hear the scary music in my head as I read. That's not an easy thing to do. Although I did figure out where she was going fairly fast, I was still eager to read each word. I'm not sure you needed the last part since I think you did a great job of making it clear where she was, but it didn't feel like it was too too much, if that makes sense (in other words, it still worked great). I'm so glad you didn't make it a dream or have a mysterious stranger explain. Many might be tempted to go in those directions. Another thing you did that made this story work for me was using the third-person voice. I've seen others where they use first-person and I can't help but wonder how a dead person could tell her story. You did many things right that made this delightful story work. The analogy of the grungy office was perfect. I truly enjoyed this and you nailed the topic in a fresh way.