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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Great story. I would love to see a little more of the story, and more emotion especially the time between when Frank got hit and when the ambulance came. Good job.
I agree with Amy - there were times when you told, not showed, especially the crucial accident scene. Some of it was lovely, though. How precious such chidlren are to GOd.
Loved the title and the storyline. I would like to see this story stretched out - 750 words were not enough and in reading, I just felt like part of the story was missing (but what can you do with a word-cap? :-)). I didn't feel a huge connection with the topic, but maybe I just missed it?? Overall, a good story with an even better message.
Phew - I'm glad it ended with him on a stretcher ... was worried there! Your title is clever, and the way you started with the scene between the two girls was touching and a good 'hook'.
Word count is such a thorn in the flesh! Ouch!

I loved all the scenes and emotions. I too thought nothing better happen to Frank! I was on pins and needles there!

A friend of mine adopted three Downeys! ;) What a joy!
And you did a good job with Frank.
OK, you definitely have a writing gift, so here is what I would do to improve this: I'd cut out Maggie and Reba's talk at school to give me more time to the main story. I'd have the 2 girls spar outside the house, and show Frank's confusion over it all. I'd get into Maggie's heart and head more, italic her thoughts and show her feelings through descriotion rather than say what they are ie. Maggie felt an itch in her fist but she kept it curled tightly beside her hip. You did a great job with Frank.