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The FaithWriters Writing Challenge and contest for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Wow! That was cleverly done, the twist at the end was superb. I am impressed
08/03/06
That was beautifully done! I didn't see it coming at all. Thanks!
I love how you suprised us at the end, and the description was A+.
Yes, I agree, beautifully done & excellent writing skills...I also loved your surprise ending.
08/04/06

I loved – and needed - the twist at the end. I kind of did a mental flip in the middle as she was assuring her children that God would keep her safe! Doesn’t that say a lot about me making snap judgments?
08/05/06
This was a perfect piece! Loved the title, too. Wow! Like "Sixth Sense," I had to go back and read what came before, as I sat in judgement, thinking, surely a lady with young girls could find a better job. Well, you got me! You're an excellent writer. I could learn alot from you!
08/05/06
There are so many things that make this great: title, intro, story, twist, and the ending. Also, what a great line: "Here's your flash, Lover Boy." Very very well done.
It was amazing. The lines about God being with her and her girls gave a bit of warning of the flip but the intensity of the story kept me moving fast enough that I had to do a double take when it got to the badge and gun simply because I didn't have time to process the possibility. It was a very nice piece.
08/07/06
This is superbly written, and the title is perfect! Loved it.
I agree with the rest. Very well written, just a great story.
08/07/06
Marvelous telling!! Masterpiece!
08/07/06
Brilliant! Flawless writing and I was totally grabbed (and taken in).
08/07/06
This is SO wonderful - you did a SUPERB job of keeping us on our toes and interested. The surprise at the end was PERFECT. I truly enjoyed this!
08/07/06
I too was disgusted at first that this lady could not find better work for her, and assumed that God would protect her. I felt bad at the end.
08/08/06
Nice job on the oldest profession in the world - and is such a true depiction of the "working girl" that...Well, I know them too, because I locked them up for many years and knew firsthand their attire, their attitude, their reasons...and their fears. Great job, well written, and a supurb read! Liked your "title"...lol.
Goodness, what a convincing read. Everything about it was excellent! Best of luck with this piece.
08/09/06
Love it! I got a hint of what was coming before the end, and wasn't dissapointed :)
08/10/06
Well done on the story line, the ending and your title. It was good that you put it in everyday language, as it brought the reality home much faster.